Blaze
by motorcyclesfly
Summary: Benjamin Linus returns to the island, but finds things are different than what he left behind. Graphic Ben/Alex. It's kind of drama and memory and relationship conflicts and romance, some strange amalgamation. Highly AU, a bit of dark redemption.


**title:** Blaze  
**rating:** hard R  
**pairing:** Ben/Alex (yes, you read that correctly)  
**prompt/request:** _Ben/Alex, nc-17 optional, bonus points if Karl is included (in sex or otherwise)._  
**genre:** I wrote this for a Lost kink meme at the morlockifix livejournal, where it was anonymously requested. It's kind of drama and memory and relationship conflicts and romance, some strange amalgamation. In the end, I'd define it most strongly as highly AU (Alex is alive, obviously) and a bit of dark redemption.  
**author's note:** Written while listening to Lisa Hannigan singing Kristen Hersh's "Your Ghost", if that explains anything. Probably my favourite of all the ones I wrote for this meme, though I don't know why, as when I started out I was at a loss of how to tackle the pairing. **Please be warned, the pairing is Ben Linus/Alex Linus. That's going to offend some people. If you are offended by graphic fanfiction incest, I strongly suggest you don't read it.** I'll be happy to read reviews about the plot, the characterization and how you thought the pairing worked out, and ideas for improvement are always welcome, but please don't waste anyone's time including your own by condemning the pairing itself. It's a story, and would not be appropriate outside of fic and fantasy. Choose to read at your own risk.  
**word count:** 3,408

_Let him shoot me down  
Let him call me off  
I take it from his whisper  
You're not that tough_

_It's the blaze across my nightgown  
It's the phone's ring  
You were in my dream  
You were driving circles around me  
You were in my dream  
You were driving circles around me_ - Kristen Hersh, "Your Ghost"

The small yellow house in the former barracks was just how Ben had left it, for the most part. Most of the furniture destroyed by gunfire had been repaired. His CDs and portraits were still where they belonged. The windows, glassless, had been boarded up, allowing thin strips of golden light to pass though the chinks into the otherwise gloomy front room. After three years, the place felt strangely foreign to Ben, though tinged with half-forgotten memory. It was like something he had seen in a film once or a place he had explored in a dream. He could barely remember when he had lived in the house for months or years on end, coming and going freely, and he marvelled each time his gaze fell on something he recognized. A Dharma wine box, abandoned on the kitchen counter, made him smile slightly, that shark curve of his lips. Photographs in their frames stared back at him, familiar faces he had dwelt on often in the past three years. He had just picked up the picture of an eleven year old Alex when a voice spoke behind him.

"Richard said you would come back," Alex said softly, pulling back the screen door to let herself in. It whined in protest, in need of oil. She let it slam, surveying the room briefly, with disinterest; most of her own possessions were long gone, and her memories of the yellow house were not happy ones. "Everyone else thought you were gone for good after you moved the island. I never thought that Jacob would let you return, but here you are." She eyed Ben curiously. "I guess Richard was right."

"Alex," Ben breathed, turning around to face her. His eyes widened as he surveyed her, taking in the dark curls, her purplish-blue irises as she looked back at him, and her beautiful face devoid of expression, disguising all emotion. The last time he had laid eyes on her, Alex had been a rebellious, temperamental sixteen year old. Untamed, she had run mostly wild and out of control, a tomboy in many respects, perpetually dressed in flannel and sweatshirts, her hair caught in a careless ponytail. Now, she was nineteen. Though barefoot, she stood at least three inches taller than what Ben remembered, and her boyish body had developed a bit of curvature. She wore faded, bedraggled jeans which had plainly seen better days, and a lavender silk tank, the low-cut, clingy type Ben would have forbidden without question three years earlier. Her hair had grown longer and flowed down her back in a cascade of waves. There was still something haunted and suspicious about the way she looked at him, but in many ways, Ben no longer recognized the girl before him.

He went to her, then paused a few feet away, unsure of himself. Debating whether or not to try and hug her, Ben stood awkwardly before Alex, waiting for some kind of reaction. Their last months together had consisted mainly of screaming matches. Or, at least, Alex had screamed, raining down insults and accusations at Ben while he tried to pretend her words did not sting. For Ben's part, he had always taken his anger and frustration out on someone else, never Alex herself, which had seemed to stoke her fury even more.

Finally, not wanting to feel the stinging rejection of her pushing him away, Ben held out his hand in offering. She ignored it. Her gaze flickered over his face, questioning, and then she moved past him. She dropped down onto the sofa with a tired sigh.

"I moved most of my things out right after you left," Alex told Ben, waving her arm around to encompass the room. "I didn't know where I would go, but I knew I couldn't stand to stay here anymore. Richard was the one who decided we should all leave and start over somewhere fresh. At least if any more people come to the island, it will be harder for them to track us. We didn't want to wait here for any more of Widmore's people to find us. We live on the west beach now, about two days' walk from here. We've built a whole new compound since you've been gone."

"Built?" Ben asked, to keep the conversation going. "Built of what? Bamboo?"

Alex's lips quirked. "No," she said. "We have a cargo ship. It sailed into our waters about two months after you left. It's ours now. They weren't trying to find the island, we're sure about that, because we searched it top to bottom and they had nothing about this place at all, not so much as a map or any coordinates that would make sense. Nothing about Dharma, nothing about us - or you," Alex added significantly. "They had oil on board and building supplies, like lumber and tools, as well as a helicopter and a lot of imports from somewhere in the South China Sea, mostly clothes and fabric. We have all that now." There was a flicker of pride in her voice as she finally looked up and saw Ben's surprise. "We re-routed power from the Looking Glass, so the electricity is fully functional, though we try not to use it at night, in case anyone dangerous does come here. It's not flooded anymore, you know, the station," she added as an afterthought.

Ben nodded slowly, sinking down beside Alex on the couch. He felt suddenly weary, the excitement he had previously enjoyed slowly evaporating. He was back on the island, back home where he belonged, but everything was different and strange. He was no longer in charge, and the world had gone on spinning in his absence. It felt profoundly like abandonment.

"My mother lives with us, you know, Danielle Rousseau," Alex spoke in a soft voice, staring at her hands. The name came out in a lilting accent, and Ben wondered if the woman had begun to teach Alex the language, the one he had always avoided speaking in her presence, as though fearful it might trigger some memory. It made Alex seem even less the young girl he remembered. "Richard took her to see Jacob, and then when they got back, he said she shouldn't be alone anymore."

"He took Rousseau to Jacob?"

"Yes," Alex nodded. "She's important to him. She was supposed to come to this island, it wasn't just accidental. It was her destiny to have me here too, that's why she survived when all her people died. That's what Richard told me."

Ben frowned. "You and Richard certainly seem to have become good friends," he retorted edgily, with sarcasm and jealousy in his tone.

Alex looked back at him blankly, and shrugged. "I guess so. He trusts me, and I trust him too. He told me the truth, you know," she added, her voice a bit sharper, harder. She tensed her jaw, dropping her gaze. "About my mother, about what you did to us. You know, that you kidnapped me, and I was only a week old when you took me." She sighed slightly, her hands white-knuckled. "I know why you did it, too," she added, before Ben could get over his astonishment enough to ask. "Richard only told me part of it, the part he knew. It was Jacob who told me the rest. Yes, I've seen him too," she continued as Ben sat up straighter in shock. She smiled faintly, clasping her hands. "You're surprised? When I was little, I heard his voice sometimes, in the jungle, but I never knew who he was. I always thought it was a game, or that I was hearing things. I told you," Alex added, finally looking at Ben's face. "I remember telling you about the voices, the whispers, when I was little. You always said it was just the wind."

Unable to respond, Ben pursed his lips, forming a stern line. Thoughts ran madly through his head as he tried to make sense of this strange situation he had stumbled into. "I would have told you, someday," he managed finally, with effort. "There never seemed to be a good time to bring it up."

"You just thought I wouldn't understand, is all. You thought that I'd want to leave you and go back to my mother," Alex surmised, seeing through the lie. "You should have told me. Then I would have been able to tell you." When Ben glanced at her, she continued. "I always knew you weren't my father." As Ben raised an eyebrow curiously, Alex frowned. "Do you remember when you first brought Karl to us? He was just four years old, and I was only three, but I still remember everything. He stayed the first night in our house. The next day, you took him away. He was gone for a long time, and when he finally came back, you told me he was Carmen's son, except that wasn't true. I knew Karl wasn't hers. He was never around until the day the smoke made the sky dark and the plane went down. Anyway, he told me about his real parents, before you made him forget. When he stayed at our house, he couldn't sleep, and he cried for his mom for hours, and finally I let him sleep in my room, after you'd gone to bed. He told me his parents' names and about the plane that went down, and asked where his mom and dad were. He never was Carmen's, not really. I guess sometime later, when I was eight or nine, I realized the same thing about you and me. One day I noticed that I don't look anything like you, and then I remembered what happened to Karl, and I became to wonder about everything. I look a lot like Danielle, my mom. She showed me a picture of my real father. His name was Robert. I look like him, too, but I don't look like you at all."

"You never asked me about any of that," Ben pointed out, feeling shaky and unsettled. "You never told me you suspected anything at all. We were always close."

"Until I was sixteen," Alex said, shrugging. "I never said anything before that, and why would I have? What would have been the point? I - I liked you," she said, her eyes becoming slightly misty. "You took care of me, I remember. You were always nice to me. I wanted to belong to you." She sniffed. "It was only when you locked up Karl when I stopped wanting anything to do with you. You took him away, the only friend I had. How was I supposed to react? I felt trapped, and betrayed. And it wasn't fair, in case you don't already know that by now," she added, looking hard at Ben. "You should have trusted me."

Looking back at her with his clear blue gaze, Ben raised his eyebrows. "I did trust you, Alex. I simply did not trust Karl's intentions with you." He spat the name, same as ever, dislike burning through him, even though he had had three years to forget.

"Karl wasn't stupid. We both knew the consequences of being together. Did you think just because we were young we didn't notice women dying every time they got pregnant? I helped Juliet and Ethan, remember? I was their nurse, three times, back when Juliet used to tell me I should go to medical school. We saw three women die trying to carry their babies to second term. I saw what happened to Claire too, and I didn't want to be an experiment." She took a deep breath. "Anyway, we both know that wasn't the real reason you were so horrible to Karl. You were jealous."

Ben looked at her critically. "Alex, don't be ridiculous -"

"It's true, you were. You can admit it, Ben. I already know the truth," she said. The use of his given name was no longer spat like an insult; in fact, he was grateful for it. "You didn't think I knew, did you?" Alex sighed. "It was obvious. It wasn't breaking your rules that bothered you so much - if I'd gone someplace with Bea or Tom or Richard, you never would have spoken a word against it. It was the fact that I chose Karl over you, that I wanted to spend more time with him, that he mattered more - that's what you couldn't stand. I know," she added when Ben tried to protest. "You never could tolerate when anyone got closer to me than you were. Do you remember when Juliet took me under her wing for a while, and I spent every day with her sometimes, talking about Miami and medical school? You hated it. You'd interrupt us every five minutes - and not just because you liked Juliet, either. It was because I was talking to her and not you. I was telling her secrets you would never know."

Alex uttered a soft laugh. "And just now, what you said about Richard. You're upset that we're friends, and because I can go to him now for advice or when I need someone to let me cry on their shoulder, and I don't need you anymore. You're just the same as you always were."

"Alex," Ben spoke sharply. "Whatever I was to you, I had an obligation to protect you from harm. Every decision I have ever made has been in your best interest. I was concerned that you were far too young to have a romantic relationship with Karl, yes, but only because I was frightened there could be consequences. I never minded your friendship with Juliet. I was simply looking out for your welfare. I'll admit, I am a bit concerned about what Richard's plans for you have led to, but only because I don't want him to force too much responsibility on you yet, or to put you in a leadership position you're not ready for. That is what he intends, I presume?"

Alex did not answer the question. She regarded Ben coolly for a moment. "Really?" she said sarcastically. "That's what mattered to you, my welfare? Not Karl."

Ben nodded firmly, unblinking, his eyes wide light with feigned innocence. "That's right."

"Good. Then when we get back, you'll treat Karl with respect, right?"

Attempting to disguise his grimace, Ben shrugged dismissively. He bit his lip, feeling angry, and snarled at the thought of Karl. When he spoke, his voice was subdued. "Of course, Alex. When do we leave?"

"In a minute. I need something first," Alex said. Ben leaned back, expecting her to go to her room or the kitchen for supplies, but Alex did not leave the couch. Instead she reached forward, touching the side of Ben's face gingerly. "Look at me," she instructed, and slowly Ben turned to meet her gaze. Their eyes met in a flash of emotion and electricity, and then Ben wrapped his arm around Alex's waist and pulled her closer to him. "I've missed you," Alex said quietly, biting her bottom lip. "Maybe not your lies so much," she added, offering a brief smile. "But I'm used to them, at least." The smile faded after a moment. "Once you left, I realized I might never see you again -" She shivered. "As soon as we saw where the plane was headed, I ran out of the compound, hoping you would be on it. And here you are."

She kissed him then, very delicately on the forehead. The soft press of her lips felt like redemption. Ben closed his eyes, holding Alex tightly against him, and then gasped against her lips when Alex pressed her mouth to his. He kissed her back, excessively cautious and gentle at first, afraid that she would leap up and run out the door at any minute, shocked and outraged at him, but Alex's hands fluttered gently over his hair and his back, encouraging him. Her lips were damp and warm, and Ben had a moment to marvel at her skill as she kissed him passionately and left him breathless. He almost called out to Alex when she shifted, afraid she was leaving, but she straddled him instead, her thighs slipping over his as she pressed her body against him.

Ben felt himself growing hard as Alex caressed his cheek again, drawing him near. He wrapped his hands around Alex's waist, letting his fingertips slink under the silk, so he could feel the heat of her skin. Shivering, he slid his hand up, cupping one breast as he kissed her. He felt close to swooning as the script of a thousand fantasies played out: Alex smiling at him, genuinely, and then kissing him back, the tip of her tongue slippery wet against his parted lips exploring him.

Alex pulled back, tracing her forefinger softly over the healing cuts across Ben's face, the result of yet another beating. "Does it hurt?"

"No," he answered truthfully.

"What happened?"

For a moment, Ben formulated a lie, considering a car accident or a mugging. Then he made eye contact with Alex, and spoke the truth in spite of himself. "I killed someone. It doesn't matter who. You didn't know her."

"Her," Alex mused without emotion, nodding. She looked at him, questioningly. "Why?"

"To make a point," Ben answered, and then reached out a hand, stroking Alex's hair. "To remind Charles Widmore that he is no longer welcome on this island, and that there are consequences to breaking the rules. I wanted to make sure you were safe here," Ben spoke, pulling Alex closer. "God, Alex," he murmured against her lips, feeling arousal stirring within his body. His tongue delved into Alex's mouth and he kissed her harder, a bit more frantically, almost roughly. When they broke apart, he nuzzled her neck, breathing in the scent of her skin and trailing kisses across her collarbone and shoulder. Alex shifted above him, grinding against him slightly, and Ben felt his breath catch. He closed his eyes, just holding her for a moment, savouring the feel of her in his arms. To his surprise, Alex wrapped her arms around his neck, nipped his earlobe and then applied a sharp love bite to his neck.

Ben had Alex flat on her back on the floor three seconds after that, on edge and intensely aroused by the hint of pain. He ran a hand over her denim clad legs, then lay on top of her, kissing her roughly. Ben kissed the way he did everything else: mercilessly. Bruising Alex's lips, he claimed her mouth fully, ripping away the silk tank top and tearing open the buttons of his own shirt so he could feel her warm skin against him. She writhed beneath him, legs trembling, as Ben worked the button and zip of her jeans, yanking them down. He had played the scene out a hundred times in the recesses of his own mind, but never permitted himself to indulge, even for an instant, in thinking Alex would ever really want him. However, she did. She arched her hips, urging Ben to hurry as he removed his own clothes.

He was on the brink of orgasm an instant after entering Alex's body, though he held himself back in order to give her time to meet him there. Shaking from the overwhelming pleasure of feeling her tight and wet around him, Ben kissed Alex hard, thrusting into her as she held him and kissed him back. Delirious with bliss, he worked her body carefully, causing Alex to arch her back, to tremble against him and to let her hips rise up to meet his thrusts. Finally, they tipped over the edge together, Alex uttering a soft moan, Ben calling out her name.

"Alex," Ben whispered, his hand on her hip a few moments later. He bent down, kissing her hip and her stomach. After a moment, he took her hand and kissed that too, then pulled her upright, helping her to her feet. "I missed you," he said, leading her towards his bedroom.

Alex smiled back tiredly, stopping him in the hall and pressing her nude body against his. Ben felt arousal race through him once more in response to her touch. "I'm missed you too," she said, wrapping her arms around Ben's neck and pulling him in for a kiss.


End file.
